Intimate conversations.

If sex (and/or a single explicative) makes you uncomfortable, then don’t read on.

Please, don’t skip those monthly exams of your breasts. Most of the time you will find something before any medical exam will. If you must, think of it as taking your daily monthly vitamin. Make it priority.

If you are comfortable with where you are and tend to be asexual, please make sure you still do the self checks. Reading on may not do anything for you. Embrace yourself and fulfil that blissfulness that we all deserve.

If you are up to it and the aforementioned paragraphs haven’t scared you off, please read. I’m adding a few lines and thoughts for the following persons...and feel free to adapt this (and dare I say 'run with it') to whichever scenario you are currently in.

1. For those in long standing relationships, see section A below.
2. For those in new relationships, see section A below.
3. For those freshly separated and find themselves single again, see section B below.
4. For those who are currently independent or who eschew relationships for whatever reason, see section B below.
5. For those who suffer from chronic pain or trauma of any kind, see section C below.

Have I included you? I hope so.

Fucking love yourself. I mean this on (and the pun is intended and included in this) every level. Love yourself...you deserve to be loved. And you deserve to enjoy the passion that love can bring.

First, don’t skip those monthly exams of your breasts. Second...make it fun. Examine your body as if you are back at ...(fill in the age you wish)... years old and finding out what your body does. Make it sensual. Make it real. Encourage your significant other to do it, too. Hopefully, they know how your breasts feel and can help pick up any changes. Take your time. Even if it’s just you feeling them, notice the way it feels from both sides: from the one touching and the one being touched. Invest time in that. Fill the bath, light candles, linger, or whatever you need to do to make it safe for you to touch and let go of anything that would hold you back from safe exploration. Make the exam a part of your life.

Section A

For those with a significant other:

When you arrive home today, maybe try this:  Walk through the door, empty your hands and approach your significant other. Ask them to give you a moment, just a moment of their time. Then kiss them. Not the peck on the lips kind of kiss, kiss them as if you have nothing you want to do more than have that kiss in that very moment... and, in fact, have been thinking about it all day long. Be tentative and explore, be passionate and demanding, or anything in between. Even if it has been something that you do often, allow yourself to delve in and make it something savory. If kissing is something that you don’t do often, don’t allow insecurities or awkwardness to govern how you choose to kiss. Don’t be tempted to make the daily transactional conversations the only way you communicate with you partner. Shake things up a bit. See how they respond. Enjoy the moment if they respond in kind. Step back and say ‘hello’ if they are mistified. Step back and say, I wanted to taste your lips and I didn’t know how to ask, if they don’t respond at all. Please don’t just run and hide yourself away. Know that you deserve to be loved. That you are a human with passion. If the latter scenario is your reality, find help and make a stab at seeing if you can become a more complete couple again. Do it fully and with the intent to re-know yourself and your partner. Or, if they are toxic for you, find help.  Know that there *is* someone out there who will appreciate you and find you incredibly attractive.

You. Deserve. Passion. And. Love.

Realize that age and time have changed you. Realize that age and time have changed them. Please don’t see them only as the person they were when you met them. Try and see them, love them as the people they are right now. Sometimes we get so caught up in the mental exercise of making it through this life that we don’t take the time to realize that we have glossed over/have forgotten how important the sensual part of us is; how important our relationship is. See this as an opportunity to delve in and find the new comforts, erogenous zones, and new exciting parts of your partner. Take the time to find them. Encourage them to find yours. Take it upon yourself to find yours. Sometimes that means you find those solo. Again, explore and take the time to get to know the body you have now. Don’t get stuck in that place of seeing you as you looked 10, 15, 20 years ago. See the softness or find the beauty you have right now, in the body you have right now. There is beauty there. I assure you. Be kind and see it. Find it. Revel in it.

Section B

For those finding their way on their own:

Know that you deserve to be loved. That you are a human with passion and that there *is* someone out there that will appreciate you and find you incredibly attractive. Maybe you aren’t ready for that at this moment. But you may be someday. You. Deserve. Passion. And. Love.

Try going to the library to find some erotica. When you get to the checkout, look like you know a huge secret that others may not know. Own your own sensuality and don’t let others dim that. Flaunt if you wish, or carry it with you as innuendo that makes others fill in the blanks with their own imaginations. Make it subtle or allow it to be part of the personality you display openly. Find that sensual part of you. Find pleasure. It’s important. Seek out ways you can safely explore it. Sometimes that means you find it solo and for yourself. Dream. Fantasize. Find ways that give a boost to your confidence and general well being. There is beauty there. I assure you. Be kind and see it. Find it. Revel in it.

Section C

For those with chronic pain/trauma:

Chronic pain can destroy all the sensual parts of you and make a complete void where your sensuality used to be. My personal experience is: there are times when I can’t even become aroused, as well as times when an orgasm is never going to happen. I often mention to my hubby and to the doctors that *I definitely know what I’m missing*. Yep, I definitely miss it. It makes me more determined to fight that void. I encourage you to do the same.

Follow either of the sections above (partnered or single) and add as much consistency as you can muster. If that doesn’t work, help yourself build a different relationship with your sensual self. Find ways to pleasure your partner that don’t hurt you. Find ways to make yourself open to suggestions. Ask for help, either from your partner or professionally. Use sexual aids. Ask your partner to do things to themselves that you wish you could do. Make it as descriptive as you feel you can or even make it a play by play description. Describe how it used to make your body feel. Be explicit. Do what you feel you can handle, pain wise, that will help keep that sensual part of you open...and allow you to communicate with it. Try to find new ways to stimulate that part of your brain, and see if that helps your body be there. Take advantage of every single time you feel you can respond and handle the experience (or decide the subsequent pain is worth it). Explore and see if you can find a moment when the pleasure outpaces your pain. See if having foreplay that lasts for days helps. Allow yourself plenty of time to explore and experience. Don’t give up. Find that sensual part of you. Dream. Fantasize. Revel in it when you can. Find ways that give a boost to your confidence and general well being. There is beauty there. I assure you. Be kind and see it. Find it. Revel in it.

The purpose of this post is to point out that the physical manifestation of you as you are right now, is at a minimum good enough...and can be extremely beautiful. I don’t know what I would do, facing the monumental physical challenges I seem to be facing, without believing I can still be a sensual being. Keep in mind that the body you have doesn’t define your sensuality, but it does provide the means in which to explore it.

Love yourself.